a declaration of intent

Have you ever slowly come to an important realization that something in your life had to change, then felt the need to announce it as publicly as possible so as not to wimp out and conveniently forget it about it later? Perhaps not, but this is one of those times for me.

If you had asked me two or three years ago what I was planning on doing with my life, I would have told you with 100% certainty that I was going to earn a PhD in English and teach at the university level, no doubt about it. I've repeated this statement many times between then and now, but particularly in the last few months it's begun to ring more and more hollow with each subsequent iteration.

Here's the thing: I love research. I love literature. I love tackling big subjects and learning everything there is to know about them. But the more I've emphasized the academic urge in me, the more I've come to realize that I've already accomplished everything I wanted to do in that vein. I've developed a broad reading knowledge of literature, become amply competent in researching subjects of all shapes and sizes, and tightened my writing skills considerably. At this point, I am perfectly capable of setting up my own learning goals and reading lists and seeing them through to completion without having a professor nearby to hold my hand and read the books to me. Besides, I already have degrees--another slip of paper to put in a pretty frame doesn't pique my interest all that much.

At the same time, I've also come to realize how important being a writer is to me. I've read so many books by so many different authors that they've reached critical mass in my head--I don't just want to read literature, I want to contribute to it. I've heard what hundreds of people across dozens of centuries have had to say, and now it's time for me to add my voice to the mix.

To that end, I have a novel in the works, I have short stories in various stages of completion, and I am greedily feasting on every scrap of information I can find about freelance writing. I'll stick with my studies for now (student loans are paying the bills, after all), but the lion's share of my energies will be going into pursuing a career as a writer. This is a done deal. (On a side note, this also means that I will be posting on this blog on a more regular basis. Whether or not that's a positive thing I leave up to your judgement.)

And you know what? Since I made this decision, I feel more excited and energized than I've felt about anything in a very long time. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some scribbling to do.